To write with a degree of conviction, passion, and heart, is sometimes the most difficult thing to do. But it is the most necessary and important part of a writer's life.
In the darkness, in the middle of the night, when sleep fails me, I think of my life. I think of my legacy. I think on what I have done and what I have not done. I wonder on that final day, when I give my account to God, what will I say? What good things could I utter about my life? Since I was young, I feared missing God. I was afraid He would not accept me. I am afraid I've missed the mark. Day after day without end. So far away and so distant. Will I ever reach the shores of eternal life? What makes others so certain they will make it? When I see them, I am in awe. Perhaps God is with them.
I bow my head and pray for mercy each night. I have no assurance. I am not sure if I am swimming closer to the light or drowning in darkness. This terrifies me as I try to sleep. There is little sleep when I lay in judgment of myself. And yet, the hope that He still loves me, wills me evermore. And I am blessed to see the sunrise again. The daylight melts away all darkness. The opportunity to start anew is the greatest gift. New life begins each morning.