Sunday, August 30, 2009

Writing in the Dark

To write with a degree of conviction, passion, and heart, is sometimes the most difficult thing to do. But it is the most necessary and important part of a writer's life.

In the darkness, in the middle of the night, when sleep fails me, I think of my life. I think of my legacy. I think on what I have done and what I have not done. I wonder on that final day, when I give my account to God, what will I say? What good things could I utter about my life? Since I was young, I feared missing God. I was afraid He would not accept me. I am afraid I've missed the mark. Day after day without end. So far away and so distant. Will I ever reach the shores of eternal life? What makes others so certain they will make it? When I see them, I am in awe. Perhaps God is with them.

I bow my head and pray for mercy each night. I have no assurance. I am not sure if I am swimming closer to the light or drowning in darkness. This terrifies me as I try to sleep. There is little sleep when I lay in judgment of myself. And yet, the hope that He still loves me, wills me evermore. And I am blessed to see the sunrise again. The daylight melts away all darkness. The opportunity to start anew is the greatest gift. New life begins each morning.


Kay said...

yes, thank God it does! Thank God of all- forgiveness.

septembermom said...

To start anew is revitalizing in every way. God wants us to contemplate if we are on the right path always. I believe that He encourages us all to have this kind of purging discourse as we pray for strength and guidance. Wonderfully done!

Kilauea Poetry said...

This is I don't want to comment yet..I'm coming back cause I have a bunch of junk to take care of thats demanding my attention..

C Will said...

Hey WG,
What you are thinking about "when sleep fails you" in a nut shell is called faith. God is asking you to trust him and believe all things will work together for your good. When you feel unsure know that it is God that's carrying you. Much love to you :)!!

Kilauea Poetry said...

Like C Will said, to trust him, even when you feel unsure. Also what S Mom mentioned about the purging discourse because it brings more of seriousness maybe without too much introspection-I get like that. I believe as a child of God, we have the deposit of the Holy Spirit..we are living in the reality now and when the earthly pulls us down we have to fix our eyes on the unseen..(as I've seen you speak of in your writing). I think what Kay was amening to what you said at the end. I'll pray for you too- hugs

Kilauea Poetry said...

Hey..check this's really touching-

findingmywingsinlife said...

This is a very thought provoking post Write Girl. I will need to make time to visit your blog again. I found you through Brosreview's blog.

Nadege said...

of course he loves you & forgives you write
girl, that's what God does, & since we now the
nature of God is to love his children, we
cannot afford to sit in judgement of ourselves
when He has already forgiven us.

all is well with you - sleep in peace.
i living in psalms 5111, 63 & 23 'til the
end of the year.


Saadi said...

I'm not exactly the most religous person you'll meet BUT I am spiritual!!
And yes, at times the thought of Life Here After also crosses...but the only thing we can do is pray!
He listens to all! He loves all!

P.S. A very thought provoking post!