Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Betrayal (Acrostic)

I chose the word betrayal to create a unique and abstract short story. I was very creative and organic in writing this piece, and realized it didn't quite fit the rules. I hope you enjoyed my twist to the challenge. Other Acrostic poets can be found here.


Steam and sweat corralled the air into quiet submission. Drops of her kisses settled heavily on his brow. She felt so familiar in his fingertips, trembling in a passionate embrace for his love. Her rose lips lingered in desire to be kissed. Yet, an anxiousness rose from his chest, seizing his body and mind. Gripped with a paralyzing fear, he was awaiting his wife's hawkish eyes of condemnation.


Her scent lingered in the air and unfurled between the sheets. Her inquisitive breath mocked the other woman. She rumbled like a nightmare and extinguished his lust. The flame went out in her eyes. The rose shrivelled from his grasp as if sensing the woman that held him. Intertwining limbs relinquished their last pose, surrendering to a somber misery.


He groped about the folds of her garments as they quickly vanished. The wine in her veins grew dry like the desert. Youth took flight from the face of her countenance and roots of shame grew in her hair. The bed ejected the foreign woman, and she fled from his presence in horror.


He thrust an object into the mirror. Fragments of him shattered like loose change upon the floor. Church bells clamored in his hollow heart, giving birth to a progeny of lies. Their vows lay tattered beneath his feet like a moth with broken wings. Mirth emitted its last breath; night unravelled on a bitter cord.


The gold band on his finger devoured his flesh, and he swore the eyes of God were upon him. Symphonies of shame and sorrow strummed in his ears like violins. Silently, he arched his back in prayer. His eyes sunk low like a setting sun.


Was redemption possible, he thought, while sulfuric sin enveloped his nostrils? Silence sentenced his soul a cruel verdict: He wore the mask of betrayal and she the face of misery.

13 comments:

Saadi said...

'Symphonies of shame and sorrow'

Whoa!!!

U write like a champ!! I read it like 4 times....cudn't understand it in the first go!

Nehow..pretty cool write-up!

JStar said...

Amazing write!!!

Amias said...

As I was reading this I said to myself, it's betrayal, but it seems like during the betrayal, he seem to be committing a crime by raping this young girl?

It is an interest read, and although it did not quite fix the prompt, I am so glad you posted it, as it gives me an idea.

By the way, love the picture of you on the side bar, that is you isn't it?

The Write Girl said...

Hi everyone,

It was a bit on the abstract side. The betrayal in this piece was the act of cheating on his wife with another woman. Hope it's a bit more clear for everyone and thanks for checking it out.

Kilauea Poetry said...

What a cute profile! That's your full name? Lovely.. I never asked as I assumed maybe you wanted to go incognito..(I wanted to)
Now, this was powerful..I enjoyed the imagery and the dark haunting power of conscience! ha..was so engaging! Real nice job-

septembermom said...

You look very cute in that picture by the way :) The "fragments of him" line is really awesome. Love this. You have tons of talent.

Kilauea Poetry said...

I just checked this out-
"Giggling, we began walking, our strides softened by laughter" Touching-
"Akpan’s writing is a greater testament to the spirit and hope of children. He challenges us to look at the world through child eyes in all its simplistic beauty".
What a terrific review Katina, honestly looks engaging and well worth the read!

Nishant said...

she fled from his presence in horror.


Work from home India

workerv said...

Luv your pic...Good work, love all that you do.
Digging deep inside of yourself, always bringing
your best, topping your best. Your sceens are
so vivid, that you actually feel your're there.

indicaspecies said...

"Her inquisitive breath mocked the other woman."
If "her" here is the wife, then she is a strong woman, and need not be miserable.

Love the powerful use of words. Good job.

Judith Ellis said...

You are such a wonderful writer, Katina! The imagery here is powerful and beautiful. Great piece!

Maggie said...

Just wanted to let you know I dropped by and read your story.

Ms. Butterfly said...

Hello! I really love your short stories and poetry!